Fears Faced by Stay-at-home Parents PART 4

Number Four

How do you figure out who does what? The stay-at-home parent can do it all, but unless you are a single parent and it is a necessity, you need to set an agreement so everyone know what they are going to be doing under the new changes your family is making.

Since you have decided to become a stay-at-home parent, or are taking on the role of managing the household, now is the time to sit down and work out the details of the job. If you are married, you need to know what your spouse expects, and your spouse needs to know what you perceive as your job. If you are single, then you must clearly define your new role. A list of must-do chores or tasks, along with deciding which days to accomplish them, will structure and simplify your time. Efficiency is as important at home, as it is at work. This doesn’t have to be set down on a typewritten, signed, and notarized document, but it does need to be clearly defined.

When you sit down to work out your agreement, be honest and straightforward. If you have a spouse, roommate, or partner, remember this is a negotiation between both of you. If you dislike doing something, let the other person know. If you suggest something that your partner wants to do instead or dislikes, they need to speak up. Make sure the agreement states that everyone will pick up after themselves.

Many people believe that the children should be involved in establishing the agreement. A house is not a democracy where everyone gets a vote. You and your spouse are in charge, the children are not. Once the agreement is set, let the children know what is expected of them. Explain what you want, and then lead by example. For young children, show them how to pick up their clothes and put them in the clothes hamper, how to hang up a towel, how to straighten up their toys. For older children, simply state something such as, “Here is what we need you to do to help out.” This is especially important if there are financial adjustments to be made.

If there is something that you can’t agree upon, take a break and think it over in private. How important is it? Ask yourself, is the task something that must be designated, can it be shared or can it be ignored? Example: You might not want to fix breakfast for everyone on the weekend and neither does your spouse. Perhaps everyone can get their own, take turns, or go without. Be honest in your response to the question and remember, if there are children they must be fed regardless of what you, or you and your spouse decide to do. The point is, the more details you work out ahead of time, the easier the transition will be, then plan to address any issues you
missed as they arise. This is a job that will change over time and you have to be adaptable. The agreement will get you started but can’t be carved in stone.