Dear Grandpa Robert -- Rowdy Teens

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My teenager insists on inviting her rowdy friends over. She didn't have any friends in our old town and I don't want to stunt her social growth but it's driving me crazy. What can I do about it?

As our children grew up we always had children in our home. Ours was the house on the block where the kids gathered and played. Did they get rowdy, you bet, but we kept them under control.

Most likely your child is just experiencing her first big step into popularity. In many cases the parent is pleased and doesn’t want to interfere or stop their child. They are afraid they will ruin their child’s chances of being popular. There is a big difference in helping your child and maintaining control. It is your house and anyone coming to visit must follow your rules.

You didn’t say what behavior that was rowdy. Are they just loud? Do they trash the house? Whatever it is, if it is not proper behavior, it has to stop. First of all, talk to your daughter. Let her know that you love having her friends over, but like her, they have to follow the rules. Let her know that if she isn’t willing to tell them, you will. She will not want you to tell them. Let her know what the rules are, even if you have to write them down.

If she can’t bring herself to tell them, you will have to confront them in a nonthreatening situation. With my grandson, I baked a big dish of chocolate chip cookies and called all of the kids in to have some. While they were eating, I let them know that I enjoyed having them over, but they were going to have to keep the noise level down. I also let them know they could not jump on the bed. I didn’t make it sound like they were bad, just a little too rowdy. It worked and I found that when they were starting to get too loud someone would speak up. On occasions I had to walk in and use my hands to indicate they needed to hold it down. I never had to say a word.

If talking to them doesn’t work your only option is to not let them gather in your home. Your daughter has to know there are consequences for bad behavior. I have found that kids will act that way only as long as they can get away with it. Step up and set rules and it will be a more enjoyable time for everyone.