Dear Grandpa Robert -- Lazy Kids

Dear Grandpa Robert,
I'm trying to teach my 5 year old chores but he doesn't want to cooperate. Any suggestions?

When I was small everyone one of us kids had chores we were expected to do. There were five of us and everyone had to do their part. We continued with our own children, but today is a different world.

Most children have their own bedroom, they have their own television, Mom or Dad cleans, cooks, and washes for them, and the house usually has multiple bathrooms. You will see children going to sports activities. They jump out of the car and run to play while Mom and Dad carry their equipment, water, and everything else. Things have changed and the days of each child being responsible for themselves are long gone.

Many young parents find it difficult to get their child to do even the simplest of things around the house, and if they do agree to do it they want to know how much they are going to get paid. They learn early about working for pay. Now that doesn’t mean that there are situations where paying is appropriate. However, chores are not one of them.

Chores are items that are done to keep the household running and are not payable events. Taking out the trash, feeding the dog, setting the table and other areas that are part of everyday life, they are not a special job. You should never tie in household chores to their allowance.

So how do you get your child to do their chores? The best way is to start early with your children. When they are toddlers have them pick up their toys, teach them to drop their clothes in the hamper. In other words, start them doing the common chores early and they will see it as part of everyday life. However, this won’t work if you don’t also follow the rules. If you leave stuff laying around or just pile the dishes in the sink, expect them to do the same.

As I said in my book, The Ultimate Guide for Stay-at-home Parents, your children are not little workers just for you. They aren’t there to do your job, but they should do their part. Make a written list of chores that need to be done. List who does each specific job and when it needs to be done. Let them know they are expected to do it and provide positive motivation. Every child wants their parent’s to be proud of them. When they do their job and do it well, praise them and they will want to do more. Let them know how pleased you are. Eventually they will do their chores without being told to because they want your approval.

If they refuse or just don’t do it, don’t overreact, just tell them no the next time they want to do something special like go to the movies. Let them know that you are tired because you had to do their chores since they didn’t do them. They will get the message. Be firm but don’t make it out of proportion.

If you have children of different ages make sure the jobs are age appropriate. Don’t have the five year old carrying out the heavy trash bag while the eight year old fills the dog bowl with food. If you oldest feels they are doing a lot more and they complain, don’t overreact, this is normal. They often do have more chores but they also have more privileges. Just simply smile and say, you’re right, but you get to play video games and they don’t.

If your child isn’t feeling well or has a lot of home work, let them know that you will do their choirs since they have other work to do. Also let them know that you might need help sometime too. Helping each other with chores shows everyone that you are a family that works together.

If your child isn’t cooperating, start them with small, easy to accomplish chores. Let them feel the satisfaction and praise of doing a good job. Slowly more them into more difficult chores but continue to provide motivation. After a while it will no longer be a chore, but it will be part of everyday life around the house.

If you have something special to do, like plant the garden, paint the shed, or other areas that are not common chores, then paying for these types of jobs are fine. Just remember, the allowance is not to be tied to the chores. Chores are normal household events, the allowance is for rewarding your children and letting them learn how to control money including saving for something special they want.