Dear Grandpa Robert - Mother-in-Laws!

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My mother in law thinks she's the mom of the household and always insults everything I do. She insists on coming over every day. How can I get rid of her?

The answer is simple. You don’t get rid of her. That is the job of your spouse. So what do you do? First of all the two of you must agree on a game plan. One person cannot stop this behavior by them self. Once you have a game plan then you can go to work implementing the plan. It might cause some momentary upset but once the boundaries are established that usually goes away. By continuing the behavior with the overbearing person just enables them to continue.

1. Often the parent calls on a daily basis to find out what is happening in your lives. This has to be stopped. You have to let your spouse know that there are things in your lives that are not of any concern to their parents. It is stuff just between the two of you. Sit down and agree what is and what is not appropriate. You might also have to get caller ID and not answer the phone all of the time. But, you have to tell the overbearing person that this is too much and that it is not something you are going to continue.
2. Overbearing people often just show up on your door step, uninvited. Let them know that that is impolite and that you would appreciate a call in the future if they plan on stopping by. If that doesn’t work, just don’t answer the door. If they have a key and come on in, take away the key or change the locks, they will get the message.
3. If you are expecting a baby, overbearing parents often want to “take charge” of the situation, even going to the doctor with you and being in the delivery room. Let them know what part you want them to play in you and your child’s life. It’s great to have in-laws excited, but it is a nightmare if they are running the show. Like everything else parameters must be set.
4. During family dinners you are hosting does your mother-in-law come in and become, “The Queen of the Kitchen”? Often their cooking style and yours is going to be different and everything you do is wrong. Politely let them know that you have everything under control and usher them out of the kitchen. Let them know you will call upon them if you need help. Don’t be surprised if when you are done, this overbearing person states that something would have tasted better if you had done this or that.

There are hundreds of different situations with overbearing in-laws. The key to all of the situations is communication. This must be communication and agreement between you and your spouse, and communication with the overbearing in-law. It may take some time but more often than not you can tame the beast.