Dear Grandpa Robert - Bad Words

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My four year discovered his first four letter word and I can't get him to stop saying it. I don't want to put soap down his mouth like my mother did to me but he needs to stop! What can I do?

If you haven’t had your child come up with a four letter word, you haven’t lived. It happens to just about every parent. Their choice of words can cause you to be embarrassed because they always happen at a time where there are others to judge you. You feel like sneaking off and hiding.

Children learn very fast that the use of these words is different. The word produces results that other words don’t. It is a word that gives them power and they find more ways to use it. They think it is cute even though they seldom know what the word means.

You wonder where they learned the word. It may have been at home, from a friend, school, or anywhere. If it is a word used at home then you have control. If it isn’t then expect more.

Dealing with this should be no different than any other type of improper behavior. Don’t over react, stay calm. Let the child know that you don’t use that word in the family. The less you emphasis the word and the less you punish, the less the child will use the word. It doesn’t give them the response they want. As they come up with additional four letter words, stay calm.

If the child continues to use the word even after you have explained it is not a word you use, then some punishment might help. However, don’t get carried away. Let your child know that since they aren’t listening to you they will have to be punished. Let them pick the punishment but make sure it is appropriate. Small children have not developed conceptual ability and may suggest no TV for a year. Make it something that will press the point but not go to extremes.

Soap in the mouth and other similar punishments do nothing other than teach the child to not use the word around you. It doesn’t stop them from using the word. Letting them know that it is okay to make mistakes. They learn and you feel much better.