Dear Grandpa Robert -- Baby Food

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My baby keeps biting me when I'm nursing but I can't get her to eat baby food. What do you suggest?

I went to Grandma Mary to get the answer for this one. Breastfeeding is a great source of nutrients for your child. It is also a method of comfort for your child that is very important in building the mother/child relationship. It takes more work than preparing a bottle of formula but many women prefer to breast feed. It is normal at some stage for the baby to start biting on the breast. This is most common in the teething period. However it is quite painful and causes the nipples to become very sore.

You have a few options. One, you can find ways to sooth the pain and irritation caused by the biting and continue. Good breast maintenance includes lotions and consistent alternation of the breast you start with. Two, when the child bites, remove them from your breast and in a firm voice tell them “No biting”. If the chewing or biting occurs near the end of the feeding, it may be the baby’s way of indicating they are full and are just playing around. By stopping feeding, you can assess whether the child is still hungry. Although it may sound early to try verbal instructions, a child often learns very fast if he is removed when he bites, then he has to stop biting to continue. Three, you can buy nipple protective covers. Nipple covers provide protection from biting and chewing, and because they are very natural feeling to the baby, can additionally assist in transitioning to bottle feeding if you’re so inclined. Nipple covers are especially helpful when you first start breast feeding when your nipples are particularly tender. Four, you can stop breast feeding and switch to the bottle still using breast milk or formula.

If the child is biting and doing nothing else they are probably just teething or gumming. That is the time to consider breast milk or formula from the bottle. NOTE: Don’t rush feeding solid foods! Discuss the time schedule with your doctor because there are basic concerns about the baby’s ability to digest, as well as allergies to consider. When your doctor recommends that you start solid foods, it takes patience to convince the baby that this is going to be a regular part of their diet in place of nursing. Being a little hungry will encourage them to cooperate over time.

Dear Grandpa Robert - Mother-in-Laws!

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My mother in law thinks she's the mom of the household and always insults everything I do. She insists on coming over every day. How can I get rid of her?

The answer is simple. You don’t get rid of her. That is the job of your spouse. So what do you do? First of all the two of you must agree on a game plan. One person cannot stop this behavior by them self. Once you have a game plan then you can go to work implementing the plan. It might cause some momentary upset but once the boundaries are established that usually goes away. By continuing the behavior with the overbearing person just enables them to continue.

1. Often the parent calls on a daily basis to find out what is happening in your lives. This has to be stopped. You have to let your spouse know that there are things in your lives that are not of any concern to their parents. It is stuff just between the two of you. Sit down and agree what is and what is not appropriate. You might also have to get caller ID and not answer the phone all of the time. But, you have to tell the overbearing person that this is too much and that it is not something you are going to continue.
2. Overbearing people often just show up on your door step, uninvited. Let them know that that is impolite and that you would appreciate a call in the future if they plan on stopping by. If that doesn’t work, just don’t answer the door. If they have a key and come on in, take away the key or change the locks, they will get the message.
3. If you are expecting a baby, overbearing parents often want to “take charge” of the situation, even going to the doctor with you and being in the delivery room. Let them know what part you want them to play in you and your child’s life. It’s great to have in-laws excited, but it is a nightmare if they are running the show. Like everything else parameters must be set.
4. During family dinners you are hosting does your mother-in-law come in and become, “The Queen of the Kitchen”? Often their cooking style and yours is going to be different and everything you do is wrong. Politely let them know that you have everything under control and usher them out of the kitchen. Let them know you will call upon them if you need help. Don’t be surprised if when you are done, this overbearing person states that something would have tasted better if you had done this or that.

There are hundreds of different situations with overbearing in-laws. The key to all of the situations is communication. This must be communication and agreement between you and your spouse, and communication with the overbearing in-law. It may take some time but more often than not you can tame the beast.

Dear Grandpa Robert - Bad Words

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My four year discovered his first four letter word and I can't get him to stop saying it. I don't want to put soap down his mouth like my mother did to me but he needs to stop! What can I do?

If you haven’t had your child come up with a four letter word, you haven’t lived. It happens to just about every parent. Their choice of words can cause you to be embarrassed because they always happen at a time where there are others to judge you. You feel like sneaking off and hiding.

Children learn very fast that the use of these words is different. The word produces results that other words don’t. It is a word that gives them power and they find more ways to use it. They think it is cute even though they seldom know what the word means.

You wonder where they learned the word. It may have been at home, from a friend, school, or anywhere. If it is a word used at home then you have control. If it isn’t then expect more.

Dealing with this should be no different than any other type of improper behavior. Don’t over react, stay calm. Let the child know that you don’t use that word in the family. The less you emphasis the word and the less you punish, the less the child will use the word. It doesn’t give them the response they want. As they come up with additional four letter words, stay calm.

If the child continues to use the word even after you have explained it is not a word you use, then some punishment might help. However, don’t get carried away. Let your child know that since they aren’t listening to you they will have to be punished. Let them pick the punishment but make sure it is appropriate. Small children have not developed conceptual ability and may suggest no TV for a year. Make it something that will press the point but not go to extremes.

Soap in the mouth and other similar punishments do nothing other than teach the child to not use the word around you. It doesn’t stop them from using the word. Letting them know that it is okay to make mistakes. They learn and you feel much better.

Dear Grandpa Robert -- Love Life

Dear Grandpa Robert,
My boyfriend and I never have any time for ourselves, it's always the kids and we don't have a lot of money. What can we do to keep our love life alive?

This is another problem most parents face. In my book, The Ultimate Guide for Stay-at-home Parents, I have a chapter on that. Here is an excerpt from the book:

“Married couples need time together. Spouses must complement each other and express appreciation to one another. Make sure to you spend some time alone together so that you can both forget about the children and center on each other. There are many different ways to do this. Here are a few suggestions:

• Run a nice warm bath. Pour in some fragrant bath oil and then using a soft sponge; gently

Bathe each other from head-to-toe. To add another unique touch you can take and old bottle, write a love poem or just your feeling toward your partner, and have it floating in the bath tub.

• When your spouse is taking a shower, take the towel, place it in the dryer to warm it and then

give it to them to use to dry off. It will lead to more.

• Buy a book from an author that both of you like and designate a night to read it. Take turns to reading to each other.

• Record your favorite songs and sit and listen while talking about the memories the song brings to each of you. It can be songs from when you first met, first dance, wedding, etc.

• Put on some soothing music and dance while in each other’s arms.

• Serve dinner to the children and then have a late dinner just for the two of you. Add candles, or make it a picnic on the patio or in the yard. You can relax and eat while viewing the stars.

• Pick up a romantic movie and watch it while snuggling on the sofa.
• Give each other a massage. Use aromatherapy oils. Focus on the neck and the back. Dim the lights to set a more romantic scene.

• Create a video challenge night with romantic rewards for the winner. It is a game where everyone wins.

• Take the child monitor and camp out in the back yard or patio on sleeping bags or blankets. Cuddle, relax, and talk about whatever you want. Move yourself out of the work place and put yourself into the home you have taken so much time to make comfortable. Don’t do any cleaning, ironing, or anything else that relates to housework. Intimacy is a portion of your relationship that must be maintained.

Dear Grandpa Robert -- Baby Crying

Dear Grandpa Robert,
I literarily have 2 hours a sleep a night with my baby crying. It's stressing me out any tips for me to get some proper rest?

First of all you need to know that what you are experiencing is not different than what many other parents are faced with. I know that doesn’t help you get sleep, but it is nice to know that you and your new baby are normal.

It doesn’t take long before you start wishing your baby would sleep through the night. Some parents are lucky and have babies that sleep longer than others and even go back to sleep on their own. Others don’t and as a result they are up numerous times during the night.

Believe me when I say your child will eventually sleep through the night. They often wake up because they are hungry. As they grow they are able to go longer periods without having to be fed. They will also start going back to sleep easier after they are fed.

As I mentioned before some babies will sleep through the night early while others take more time to learn to stay asleep. Every baby has their own personality and their own time table. Time management is a big factor. You will have to learn to sleep when your baby is asleep, day and night.

You also have to take steps that will help your baby sleep. Get the child in a normal routine. If you find that the baby gets excited with their bath, do it earlier. Make sure you slow down near bed time. That is the time to read, or talk gently to the baby why in your arms. Get your child in the habit of going to be while still awake. Give them a bottle, a pacifier, toys, or whatever to play with. It is important they learn to sleep on their own. If your baby is put down early but wakes up often, put them to bed and then wake them up when you are ready go to bed and feed them. This will often give you more sleep time because they too will sleep longer.

Routine is important to set the habits of your baby. Many parents will tell you that you need to let the baby cry till they learn to sleep. I do not agree. You will learn your baby’s cries. You will know when they are just fussing and when they are hungry or upset. Every cry has a meaning. Don’t run in every time the baby makes a sound. See if they will go back to sleep on their own, if not go to their room.

There is usually a reason why the baby is awake. They might be hungry, have a wet diaper, too hot or too cold, not feeling well and have a fever, or other reasons. Fix the problem and the baby will most often go back to sleep. They are just like you. If they are uncomfortable they will not sleep. When you do go to the baby don’t make a big production out of it. Do what you have to do as quietly as you can. Use the least amount of light you can. Bright lights will wake the baby. Also picking the baby up will wake them. Try to keep them in their bed with just enough light to see and rub or pat their back gently so they are soothed back to sleep. Remember, it is sleep time, not play time.

All babies cry and a little bit of crying doesn’t hurt them. Let them have some time of their own. It’s hard and you won’t sleep but give them some time. If they don’t stop in a short time (around 10 minutes) go back in and check to see what’s wrong. If they are okay rub their back and calm them down and try again. You will end up successful.

If you try everything and still can’t get your child to sleep, go to your pediatrician. Your doctor will generally be able to help you. Be clear with the doctor, tell everything. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to your parents or other people you know that has babies. Although every child quickly develops their own personality chances are you will find ways to help your situation. Don’t be afraid to ask your parents or spouse or brothers and sisters to help. Even if it is to watch the baby for a few hours so you can lock yourself in the bedroom and get some sleep.